Teachers & Cops

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   Teachers & Cops
 
 
These are actual comments made on students´ report cards by
teachers in the New York City  public school system .

All teachers were reprimanded (but, boy, are these funny!)
 
1. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom

and has started to dig.
 
2. I would not allow this student to breed.
 
3. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
 
4. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
 
5. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently
fails to achieve them..
 
6. The student has a ´full six-pack´ but lacks the plastic thing
to hold it all together.
 
7. This child has been working with glue too much.
 
8. When your daughter´s IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
 
9. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train
isn´t coming.
 
10.If this student were any more stupid, he´d have to be
watered twice a week.
 
11. It´s impossible to believe the sperm that created this child
beat out 1,000,000 others.
 
12.The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
 
 
These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers.
 
The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the
country:
 
1 .´You know, stop lights don´t come any redder than the one
you just went through.´
 
2.´Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they´re new.
They´ll stretch after you wear them a while.´
 
3.´If you take your hands off the car, I´ll make your birth
certificate a worthless document.´
 
4.´If you run, you´ll only go to jail tired.´
 
5.´Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because
that´s the speed of the bullet that´ll be chasing you..´
 
6.´You don´t know how fast you were going? I guess that means
I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?´
 
7.´Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don´t
think it will help.
Oh, did I mention that I´m the shift supervisor?´
 
8.´Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I´m warning you not to do
that again or I´ll give you another ticket.. ´
 
9.´The answer to this last question will determine whether you
are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?´
 
10.´Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where
you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step

in monkey poop.´
 
11.´Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a
toaster oven.´
 
12.´In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.´
 
13.´How big were those ´two beers´ you say you had?´
 
14.´No sir, we don´t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now
we´re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.´
 
15. ´I´m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal
friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.´
 
          AND THE WINNER IS....
 
16.´You didn´t think we give pretty women tickets? You´re right,
we don´t.. Sign here.´