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Funny Children´s Quotes

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If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children´s science exam answers :

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
(brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does ´varicose´ mean? (I do love this one...)
A: Nearby .

Q: Give the meaning of the term ´Caesarian Section.´
A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome

Q: What does the word ´benign´ mean?´
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Kids Are Quick

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.


TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell ´crocodile?´
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L´
TEACHER: No, that´s wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.


TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it´s H to O.

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn´t have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I´m a lot closer to the ground than you are.

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ´I.´
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, ´I am´
MILLIE: All right... ´I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father´s cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn´t punish him?
LOUIE: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don´t have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on ´My Dog´ is exactly the same as your brother´s. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It´s the same dog.

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher.

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