1) No matter how hard you try, you can´t baptise cats. 2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don´t let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don´t hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5) You can´t trust dogs to watch your food. 6) Don´t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. 8) You can´t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 9) Don´t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. 10) The best place to be when you´re sad is Grandpa´s lap.
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree. 2) Wrinkles don´t hurt. 3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts. 4) Today´s mighty oak is just yesterday´s nut that held its ground. 5) Laughing is good exercise. It´s like jogging on the inside. 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. 2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get. 3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you´re down there. 4) You´re getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster. 5) It´s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. 6) Time may be a great healer, but it´s a lousy beautician. 7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus. 2) You don´t believe in Santa Claus. 3) You are Santa Claus. 4) You look like Santa Claus.
At age 4 success is . . not piddling in your pants. At age 12 success is . . . having friends. At age 17 success is . having a drivers licence. At age 35 success is . having money. At age 50 success is . . having money. At age 70 success is . .. . having a drivers licence. At age 75 success is . . having friends. At age 80 success is . . not piddling in your pants.