Some Good Chuckles

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My husband and I divorced over religious differences.
He thought he was God, and I didn´t.


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There are two times when a man doesn´t understand a woman:
Before marriage and after marriage.


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Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you´re in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"

Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."

Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people´s lives."


Al said: "I´d like them to say, "Look, he´s moving!"


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Mr. Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.


Looking up, he asks the Lord... "God, what does a million years mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A minute."

Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

The Lord replies, "A penny."

Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"

The Lord replies, "In a minute."


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A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening and I have to talk to you about it."

The Rabbi asked, "What´s wrong?"

The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."

The Rabbi , very surprised by this, asks, "How can that be?"

The man then pleads, "I´m telling you, I´m certain she´s poisoning me, what should I do?"

The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I´ll see what I can find out and I´ll let you know."

A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours.

You want my advice?"

The man said yes and the Rabbi replied, "Take the poison"