1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences, he thought he was God and I didnīt. 2.. I donīt suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. 3.. Some people are alive only because itīs illegal to kill them. 4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. 5.. Donīt take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. 6.. Youīre just jealous because the voices only talk to me 9.. Iīm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing. 10.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine. 13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. 15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up. 22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! 23.. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken. 24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD. 27.. The trouble with life is thereīs no background music.
Well, it turned out to be only 17 --- the other12 were actually NOT funny